o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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