Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
