come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
