didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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