If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize