Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
