It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
