i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
