I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dignity is for republicans.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
