apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
