I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
