my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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