Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
