Welp...herpes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
