i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I am one with the molecules
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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