i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
