to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
