every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
