it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
