i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
