You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
