chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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