Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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