I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
