I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
