I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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