good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
