does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
