pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is Oprah even human
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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