My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize