How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
