He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
