She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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