Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
