We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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