Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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