My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
