Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize