explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
