you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
