I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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