how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
