I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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