its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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