my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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