Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Enjoy the penises
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
