i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
