TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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