I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize