There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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