I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
