Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
