I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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