How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
