the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
