I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
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