Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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