I got chris browned last night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
