so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
