HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
