Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
