just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
