so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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