do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
