Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
