So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
