The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
