can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
