I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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