If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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