dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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