The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Say something about gay babies.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
