I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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