Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
