Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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