there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
