yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize